Yir Hole

It used tae happen noo and again in the summer months durin the school hoalidays. Some lassies would come ower fae another scheme lookin fir thir hole. Fuckin bizarre it wis an a bit scary, bit thrillin anaw. Theyd dae that thing ye used tae dae in playgrounds at Primary where ye’d pit yer airms roon each ithers shooders aboot five or six ae ye and go roon the playgroon chantin ‘embdy want a gem ae fitba’? or whitever gem it wis. Thats whit these lassies wir daein only the wir chantin ‘anybiddy wantin thir ho-el? The syllables wirnae workin right so they’d pronounce each wan so it made a kinda rhythm that didnae jist sound stupit. These lassies wid be aboot fifteen and thir wir plenty bouys aboot that age playin fitba’ or jist sittin’ aboot oan the wa’s ootside the flats. Naebdy really wanted tae run up tae thim and say ‘aye me!’ cos that wid be a pure riddie, but ye hid tae know that thir wid be plenty bouys up fir it, it wid jist hiv tae be done in a mair gallus waiy.

Anywiy wan ae these lassies, an’ yiv goat tae know that these are no’ whit ye’d ca’ demure lassies, thir hard as negs itherwise they widnae be daen whit they wur, ane ae thum grabs ma wee mate Mattie, who’s aboot ages wi’ me, so he’s aboot fourteen an her an ur mates start draggin um toward the fire escape door (the fire escape bein where illicit scheme sexual shenanigans took place even though it stinks ae pish an is full ae used johnnies). Me an a couplae ither bouys get the lift up so that we can get tae the floor above whare wee matties gonnie get a seein to. So we’re crouched up ther tryin no ay giggle an the lassies are aw screetchin and sayin thir gonnie ride wee mattie an that when therz a miniscule wee brek in proceedings followed by even louder screetchin an laughin.

‘Eys goat skiddies oan ays knickers!’,  ane ae them proclaims louder than the human ear kin bear an they aw fa’ aboot. Poor wee matties left tae pull up said soiled undergarments and skulk off away hame knowin thit this’ll be roon the scheme faster thin fanny rash. Ah didnae notice any ae the ither buoys venturing forth too readily eftir that.

Embdy wantin thir hole indeed!