Lady Gaga needs to resurrect her flagging career. Almost imperceptibly her fame is being overtaken by younger acts she was barely aware of, and her last album ‘Lance My Manky Boil’ sold only a paltry one million. It’s accompanying video in which she was dressed entirely in a ‘blancmange-effect’ body-bag singing to an audience of hermaphrodite koi-carp left audiences merely confused. She needed fresh ideas. Unfortunately, her powerful and very persuasive manager, Colonel Slick Dildo, was convinced an album of duets with ‘the best-selling dead artists of all time’ would be the way forward. Gaga had no choice but to comply with her sinister, and at times sadistic, Svengali .
Sinatra, Presley, Nat King Cole. Even Kurt Cobain. All of these were fine, but one name on the list puzzled her greatly.
“Sir Harry Lauder”, she read the name in wonderment. “Who the fuck is Sir Harry Lauder?”
Slick Dildo provided the answer. “In his day as big as any of them. Sinatra, Presley, you name it”
She googled him on the internet. The photo on his Wikipedia page startled her. Some old fuck in a kilt and a tammy brandishing a knobkerrie “Whatever the fuck that is!” exclaimed the alarmed American who at that moment was dressed only in a pink wellington boot and ‘butt-plug’ earrings. Safe to say that Sir Harry Lauder had never seen a woman dressed in such bizarre and minimal attire.
Sure enough came the day when Lady Gaga ‘duetted’ with the almost incomprehensible, scratchy old 78 recording of the great man in action. Gaga vamped and cavorted, she thrust her groin violently, she aimed her ample ass at anyone caring to flinch from it. She did everything but actively fuck the microphone.
She had no idea what she was singing along to and merely tried her best to copy it in a laconic, American drawl, whooping and squealing where she felt it appropriate.
‘Stoap yer tick-a-lin’ tick-a-lick-a-lick-a-lin, stoap yer tick-a-lin Joak’
It went straight to the top of the charts and she was forced to make an entire album of duets with Sir Harry.
‘Roamin’ in the Gloamin’ became a crowd favourite.
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