Saturday, 23 July 2016

Diary of Josh D'Arsehole at the Beach

The downside of this glorious sunshine we've been having is that it tends to attract the lower orders to the beach. On to it they spill with their Red Stripe and their heroin (no doubt bought at taxpayers expense) to jeer boorishly as one carries ones kayak to the waters edge.

Only yesterday I was demonstrating to Sebastian, my youngest, how to construct a simple beam bridge using only sand and driftwood when one of them kicks a ball into it, completely destroying the lenticular truss. The merest apology of 'sorry mate' was offered to which I did not respond, attending as I was to a tearful Seb.

I am not in favour of any sort of Apartheid, having marched against that evil system many times in my home town of Guildford (indeed I occupied the post of political fundraiser at the Farmers Market there) but I perhaps think that the beach should be divided in some way to accommodate the diversity of recreational activities enjoyed there.

Perhaps football and related activities should take place up towards the amusements and Wimpy Bar area and Kayaking and medieval bridge construction down where the nicer houses are.

Merely a suggestion but I'm sure, one day soon, an enforceable reality.

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