The Spangle House

Often, during the long summer holidays, I and some friends would take a long trek through the countryside to the ‘Auld Hoose’, though we never actually reached this destination. The journey was a quest that was never realised. As a consequence none of us was actually sure such a place existed. 

O the old yins in the toon would garble on about how easy it was to get there in their day and the youth of today and all that but none of them would or could convincingly describe it. They’d say it was a ‘big, rambly place’ or ‘like a Lord’s Manor’ but no more than this.

Still, every summer we would head with our packed lunches and bottles of juice in the direction that myth told us it lay. This took us through fields where farmers would sometimes chase us, past reservoir’s where we’d sometimes stop and swim – the whole gang of us jumping in naked or some in underpants which would remain sodden then damp until home time. It took us through wee towns whose natives eyed us warily, though shopkeepers hoped we’d stop and buy sweets and drinks which we surely would (Archie’s big brother mind, he was more likely to pochle them).

One particular summer we decided to build a fire in a wood beside a burn. We’d stolen some potatoes from an allotment and here would be a good place to bake them.

While the spuds were baking a few of us wandered off deeper into the woods and it was then that we came across the strangest sight any of us had ever seen. Through a clearing in the trees there emerged the most magnificent structure – Ghormengastian in its aspect it was a giant palace of a place; all turrets and towers, domes and huge walls which stretched for many miles around the impressive settlement. From the crest of this most unexpected valley we gazed down upon a vast, shining cathedral in the middle of the woods.

We all stood aghast for several minutes until one of us, possibly me, said ‘does it look as if it’s made of spangles to any of you?’ Geordie, staring in wonder at this giant orange structure turned to me and exclaimed ‘It fucking is you know!’

We all looked at one another laughing, wide-eyed and freaked out..

‘It’s a giant fucking spangle house’ ‘What the fuck..!’ ‘Eh!’

The acid had truly started to take a grip.