It's Not Easy Being God!

It’s not easy being God, says God, as a bad-tempered angel attempts to cut his toenails. There are a billion and one things to do on an almost daily basis and do you know how hard it is to delegate God’s work? Of course, you don’t, how could you? God has a brain the size of…of…of, well everything that exists. All the trillions of universes you suspect you know about and the trillions more that you don’t. All these universes are in God’s brain and were all created meticulously to his plan.

Take Black Holes! Vast voids of anti-matter that suck the stuff of worlds into them every second. Only a God could invent something so awesome and so profoundly humorous. (Yes! God has a sense of humour and don’t think he doesn’t.)

And on your own tiny planet, the beauty of a coral reef. What of that? And yet you squander it like everything else.

The angel, a little cuddly, beatific creature, gives up on his task and goes back huffily to his cloud.

You need a sense of humour, and a pretty dark one too, to be God. By Christ you do!

God gazes at a screen in his mind and sees little Christopher Hitchens, that profound and earthly atheist, at his given task; to be forced to argue against his own words in his own earthly books and speeches. The sight of this made sometimes made God almost cry with laughter. Now that is a sense of humour.

Folk like Hitchens and others, inhabitants of a small, insignificant planet, arguing that ‘there is no God’ and ‘God is dead’. They say that if there is a God then why does he let all the awful things happen: all the genocide and war and suffering and disease? They say that if there is a God then he is a bad God, a disinterested God, a God that doesn’t care. But what about me?

Didn’t I sacrifice prophets to tell you how to live, to live with peace and gentleness in your hearts? And what do you do?

O you have had successes, you human beings created in my own image. I was particularly proud of the Inca people. Their civilisation was based on justice and fairness where even their rulers would till the land to show solidarity with their poorer brethren but what did you do? You obliterated them from the face of the earth for the gold within it. And what you call the Native Americans, what was their crime? They venerated my Kingdom, worshipped it and you lied to them, betrayed their kindness and generosity and ultimately obliterated them too. And in MY name.

O no humans. I have not forsaken you. It is you who have forsaken me. You could have built on what was already a paradise and you have systematically destroyed it. You could have lived in peace like the brothers and sisters you are, but you have divided and killed and gassed and slain and put poison into men’s hearts as you have into my seas and rivers, but you forget one thing. Through my son I told you that it will be the meek that will inherit and that is exactly as it shall be.

No, it is not easy being God, but be sure of one thing you pompous and you preened and ambitious. You so much less than you could have been.

It is not you that shall have the last word..!