Fatherless Females Only

I’ve heard that girls – women – are only ever looking for a version of their fathers in the spouses they choose and, through experience, I believe there is some truth in that. Indeed, a previous girlfriend of mine actually married a chap with the same name as her father and from what I gathered he was almost as tediously boring.

P’s father would only, it seemed, ever converse about table tennis, a pursuit he was passionate about in his plodding way. This was a man who could turn everything monochrome just by walking into a room: any vivacity or amusement that had previously existed would of an instant end.

This was true of another girlfriends father, as well. I was an academic which he didn’t credit as ‘real work’. He was one of these cunts that was really good at DIY and didn’t mind flaunting the fact, particularly, it seemed, as I was good-for-nothing in this department. I was to joinery and crafts what Harold Shipman was to the bedside manner. One year this girlfriend – a veritable pot-head of a girl – bought me a toolbox full of tools, presumably in the forlorn hope that I would emulate old Tommy Walsh there.

I’ve put in an ad in this new online dating site Lonesomebutgantin.com. See what you think?

“Fatherless female with horny mother wanted. I’m sick of DIY, if you know what I mean? No-one from Paisley area need apply”

I thought at one time of marrying P. But, only if she would tell me the other letters in her name!